Welcome to my next Chapter

Yes, I know it’s not 2008. so why am I starting a blog?

A few years ago I found myself at personal crossroads. You know like, what to do with my life and stuff. I had been pursuing an undergrad at Auburn, studying Music and English-Literature – two areas of study I knew would not necessarily lead to fortune 500 companies knocking down my door, begging me to apply for their many open positions.

No, I somewhat naïvely pursued these interests because they were the only academic fields for which I had the patience and a degree of natural talent. And to be even more honest, I did not think I would even need to bother finding a “real” job. Like a fool, I believed my college career would seamlessly transition into a fulfilling and lucrative career in music, in one form or another.

Now, two years removed from college, my band, The Band Silhouette, has (hopefully temporarily) plateaued, and I am still teaching music lessons, the very same job I had in school. I’ve grown weary, impatient, and frustrated with where I have found myself in terms of my career and creativity.

To be clear, I’m not under any illusion that this blog is going kick-start a career in music or writing, but I recently came to what feels like a very important and mature conclusion.

That’s not the point.

That’s not the point of creating. For so long I was hell-bent on becoming a full-time musician. Believing that I could only attain happiness, find fulfillment in my craft, and consider myself successful only if this benchmark was met.

I’m convinced I was engaging in blatant self-sabotage in ever facet of my life, lying to myself and becoming more and more convinced that the myth of the starving artist was my destiny.

At the expense of my personal relationships and mental health, I decided that I was not going to pursue a PhD in literary studies like I had been telling everyone. And instead, after seeing The Brook and the Bluff perform at Avondale brewing, I remember looking at my friend and drummer, Dylan, and saying, “f*ck grad school, I want to do that!”

“That’s not the point”

They say that a man’s prefrontal cortex does not fully develop until he is 25.

Well, I’m 24, and I swear a few months ago, that baby started booting up. I could feel new gears turning and dust falling out of my ears from what must have been years of dormancy.

This came in the form of many emotional breakdowns over my changing band and the lack of prospects we seemed to have in our new home of Huntsville. Festivals we used to play were not asking us back. Venues ignored our emails and DMs. Our bassist left the group. Our drummer was having a hard time relocating. There was absolutely no progress after three years of what felt like linear growth in our sound and progress as a band.

College bands rarely make the transition to becoming a “real band,” and it felt like we were destined for the same fate.

This was beyond devastating for me, as my eggs were not only all in one basket, but they seemed to be breaking, one after another. While trying to work as a barista and teach part-time music lessons, my fiancé saw the toll of the pressure I was putting on myself, and she strongly urged me to quit the coffee shop and work towards finding a more sustainable path.

After much resistance, I finally acquiesced and started looking into grad schools to one day find a “real job.” While this was heartbreaking at first because it felt like I was giving up on music, bound to be a mere weekend warrior, I realized recently that being a prisoner of the mindset of needing to be a full-time musician was not only toxic, but it was no different than being in music only for the money.

I realized that was not the point.

The creation was the point.

I don’t want to be a musician

Right around the time that my prefrontal cortex started to fire up, I was feeling emotionally vulnerable and in need of some kind of change or challenge.

Then one day, my best friend Evan asked me if I had ever heard of The Artists Way. I hadn’t, and he told me all about this book that was essentially a self-help book for stuck creatives. I told him it was just what I needed, and we started doing the weekly challenges, morning pages, artist dates, and we were each others accountability partners.

The book guides you through rediscovering the sense of wonder in creativity, and through the weekly challenges and daily journaling, I started to feel inspired once again.

What I did not expect was coming to the conclusion that I didn’t want to be a musician.

*GASP* *HORROR* *OUTRAGE*

I wanted to be more than that.

I started to think of my obituary and how I wanted to be remembered, and I realized I didn’t want to be remembered as the singer and guitarist of a mid-to-moderately successful rock band. I wanted to be remembered as a writer, as a poet, as a videographer, as a photographer, and as a musician.

I realized I wanted to be an artist.

Around the time of coming to this conclusion the idea of starting a blog showcasing all facets of my creativity became the most exciting endeavor I’d dreamt up since picking up the guitar at age 11.

So here we are.

Ok, but what’s this gonna be?

My goal for this blog is to post something every weekend showcasing some kind of creative act I engaged in that week.

While this will primarily still be music (especially at first), I am also excited to explore other areas of creativity that really intimidate me. Expect to see me try and fail and try again at video making, poetry, writing, and lots of other cooky ideas I’ll probably dream up in due time.

To be very clear, another big goal of mine with this project is to buck the perfectionistic urges that paralyze me daily and prevent me from showing my work. So, expect earnest imperfection but always an honest attempt at whatever silly things I share.

Ultimately, I am starting this blog as a means of having an outlet to show my work, hopefully improve, and foster community with people who care about the things that I make.

If my mom is the only person who ever engages with all the work I have to share, awesome, because I don’t want to care about the numbers because that’s not the point.

The point is doing it for the sake of doing it. And that’s what I’m gonna do.

03/11/25

James